HOWTO: Do'n Terrorism In The USA

So you are a Muslim and you want to do some terrorizing in the USA right? You also are a coward and don't want yourself to be hurt in the process, and you don't want to spend the rest of your life in jail - or worse yet - be interrogated by federal agents. Just what is a up and coming terrorist to do?

Some lessons for the Jihaders in the USA:

• Don't strap bombs on yourself - convince some female or child to carry the explosives and tell them Allah will reward them with cool stuff.
• If possible, become a US citizen. Don't worry about all the pledge stuff they make you say - it's just words. If even the words make you sick then you can apply for a waiver.
• Steal or purchase weapons - especially guns. If a gun owner doesn't want to sell to you because you are a Muslim or Arab then contact the ACLU or some liberal politician and cry that you are being discriminated against.
• Review your rights to Jihad at the CAIR website - they have helped many terrorists to escape punishment or have helped to lighten punishment when caught.
• Choose targets of the Great Satan that will result in death and terror. These must get as much publicity as possible. Choose targets of women or children. Men are not advised since they will fight back and you might get hurt.
• In America it is best to commit a terrorist attack alone. It will be easier for you to succeed, for the Muslim community to disavow any support of you (but will praise Allah behind closed doors), and help to protect other Jihadists.
• Link up with socialists, liberals, unions, illegal aliens, and any other group that hates "truth, justice, and the American way" - they can be assets for you (you can chop their heads off after they no longer serve a purpose).
  
• Before you attack lay some background that will make you look unstable, even try and be connected with some sort of psychological distress. This will help the tax-payer lawyers to get you off the hook, even if you are successful in killing some infidels. If executed correctly your actions won't even be labeled as a terrorist attack!
  
• Never engage law enforcement. After you perform your glorious slaughter of the infidels disarm yourself and turn yourself in. This is the great part since if you followed instruction the infidels will give you meals, protection, legal help, medical coverage, dental coverage, even a new Koran. All paid for by the infidels.
  

Yes, America will be easy. You can use her own laws to bring her down to her knees, then chop her head off.