Friday, October 05, 2007

    Tomorrow Lars Larson Will Kill Bambi

    Somewhere in the Pacific Northwest a deer is walking around through a forest or field enjoying the last Friday it will even have. This beautiful creature is guilty - of just being a deer. This past Wednesday Lars Larson proclaimed he was going hunting and
    "I plan to shoot a deer"
    About a week ago you might have thought Lars Larson cared about deer, the way he took up the case to have Bucky the yearling buck deer and Snowball the doe returned to their caretakers. Turns out Lars was just exploiting that situation to take a stab at the Oregon Fish and Wildlife officials - he could care less about the deer.

    Why would Lars Larson want to sneak up on such a beautiful animal and execute it? It surely isn't for the need of food, as you can tell from his growing pot belly. It surely isn't for the need of money since he makes a nice salary thanks to his radio program's sponsors of tobacco, whiskey, over-priced bottled water, etc.

    I think the reason Lars would kill a deer is it makes him feel manly and tough. It's a common scene with weaklings - to be aggressive against the helpless. You won't see Lars compete in a physically challenging sport where his opponent is equally matched - Lars is a coward - so like some school bully he resorts to "sports" where he doesn't risk conflict from his opponent.

    If you think Lars will catch and kill the deer in a situation equal to that of the deer (the deer has just itself) then you are very much wrong. Lars Larson will be carrying a rifle with a scope. This enables Lars to kill the deer from far away - without the deer knowing its assassin is about to plunge a bullet (or two) that will rip through the flesh and organs.

    Lars will proudly boast how manly he was and what a great sportsman he was. He won't tell anyone how - like a coward - he had to sneak up without the deer's knowledge to fire the shot. He won't compare how grossly overpowered he was compared to his trophy - absolutely no match for the helpless deer.

    Run deer - Lars Larson is coming for you.

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