Tuesday, February 07, 2006

    Fashion Is So Very Important!

    Whether applying for a job, going to your local mall, or participating in your community's daily call for Jihad, fashion is important. Let's check the picture above and evaluate the fashion statement it makes, and see if we can come up with some suggestions that would help.

    Hoods - Come on now, the common scissor-cut eye holes in the hoods are so passé. Silk-lined reinforced orifices are more stylish and safer too. Can you imaging getting a loose threat in your eye as you're about to rape a non-Muslim girl or shoot some child in the name of Allah? Contrasting threads around the eye are also the latest fad - especially raging red.

    Swords - Long swords are good, but what's with the green look? Have you been using your swords to cut grass or what? If you're going to swish your swords around at least get some blood on them. Next time you behead an innocent victim leave the blood on the sword - CNN loves stuff like that (if interviewed, blame Bush).

    Silk-screening - No one is sporting any silk-screened words or images, and this is a big mistake with the contemporary Jihads. It causes confusion - for example, you might be mistaken for peace protestors in America or the kitchen help at Senator Kerry's estate. Get some logo - maybe something like "Go Moham" or "Yo 72 Virgins" or other trendy phrase to show your solidarity. Get a song too. Although you love to beat helpless people you lack a beat. Think of a song with a title like "Look for the Jihad label" (sung to the tune of "Look for the union label").

    Posture - In addition to clothes and accoutrements is proper posture. The models in the picture above have some poor posture. Now maybe you can blame some of that bad posture on excessive bowing and kneeling, but whatever the reason consider shaping up. Loose the big belly look too - it doesn't look like you're suffering if you look well fed.

    If you're going to wage war as a Muslim fundamentalist be fashionable! If you really want to go radical the check out Abercrombie and Fitch. I won't tell your cleric.

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